Mom Rage

Yep. I’m going there. Stay with me! It’s going to be good.

Mom rage…that blinding feeling of extreme anger and frustration in response to something we don’t like or see as wrong. It’s usually a pretty extreme reaction (like fight or flight) to something that normally wouldn’t warrant that level of response.

There are many reasons that mom rage makes an appearance.

Hurts, lies, and offenses.

Feeling helpless and trapped in what we’re doing.

So much change that we feel like we’re drowning.

Perceptions.

Expectations.

No breaks.

Being overstimulated (especially as an introvert).

Ruined boundaries/having to figure them out again.

The way you did motherhood with the previous number of children ISN’T working and everything needs to be reconfigured.

No one is thanking you for the work you’re doing and the “overtime” you’re putting in.

You feel there’s a lack of understanding of the sheer amount of work you do on a daily basis, and more is being asked of you.

Being in survival mode.

Seemingly ETERNAL messes EVERYWHERE.

Etc.

I’m going to explore another possible reason…unforgiveness and judgement towards ourselves.

What?!!!

Yeah.

How many times are we fine with forgiving others but totally miss forgiving ourselves?

The thought of needing to forgive ourselves is a rare one in our tired brains. All we know is something is wrong, someone messed up, and things shouldn’t be the way that they are.

There is an invitation in those moments to partner with a victim mentality…it’s always something outside of me that’s the problem, never me. For example, reasons like “if I got more sleep”, “if the children weren’t so loud”, “if the kids got along better”, “if the children would JUST do what I’ve told them”, “if the kids would take care of their things and clean up”, “if I had more help”, etc.

Those frustrations are very valid and very real.

Phew.

No one said motherhood was easy, but it’s definitely worth it.

Back to the unforgiveness thing…

We all have parents, right? Some were involved at varying levels and some were totally absent. Some struggled more than others to do a “good” job parenting us, but for the most part, they all tried their best.

Whether or not we came out of childhood scarred or unscathed is our own story and a journey with, likely, many opportunities for forgiveness.

Super quick…forgiveness isn’t saying what they (or you) did was right or okay. It’s removing the poison from your own heart wounds so you can heal and move on.

Let’s take a look at judgement and then wrap this thing up.

How many times have we judged others for their choices only to find later that we are doing THE EXACT SAME THING they were?!

““Refuse to be a critic full of bias toward others, and you will not be judged. For you’ll be judged by the same standard that you’ve used to judge others. The measurement you use on them will be used on you.”

Matthew 7:1-2 TPT

From my own experience, I know that I have judged my own parents hard core without even realizing it was that intense. I saw many times where I perceived that they had failed me in one way or another, and then I swore to myself that I would *never* do that with my own children.

Well, guess what? I found out that I was doing some of those very same things in my own parenting! OUCH.

The conundrum of trying to do better than my parents and ending up doing the same (or worse) is a very hard situation to reconcile. I hated myself and the motherhood job I was doing, and that hatred very quickly started spreading to every area of my life. The very DREAM I had as a little girl of being a mom and having babies was turning into a nightmare.

How do we exit this nasty storm?

Forgive. Release. Stop judging and comparing.

When we chose NOT to forgive someone or ourselves for something, we are tortured by it until we release it all and forgive.

It’s time to forgive yourself for…

Not living up to whatever standard you’ve set for yourself.

Having a messy house.

Feeding your babies and children food you deem unworthy, but it’s what you can do right now. Fed is best, right? That goes for toddlers and older children too.

Shouting at your spouse and your children.

Throwing a giant fit when things weren’t going your way.

Doing those things you swore you’d never do.

Whatever else you need to forgive yourself for doing or not doing.

I’ll hazard a guess that mixed in with the need for forgiveness, there’s some lies we need to break up with, too.

Lies like….

I’m a bad mom because my children can’t seem to clean up after themselves right now. It’s my job to teach them and I’ve failed.

I’m a bad wife because my husband asked for sex, but I couldn’t give it to him because I’m so tired I can barely see straight.

I’m a bad daughter for forgetting that one birthday or important event, or even worse, deciding not to go because it was simply too much that week and I needed a break.

I’m a bad friend because I went quiet and avoided my best friend because I was too overwhelmed and felt ashamed that I couldn’t “handle it all.”

The. List. Goes. On.

These are allllll lies, aren’t they?

YES, they are ALL LIES. From the pit of Hell, sent to ruin your view of yourself and your capacity and ability to mother those around you.

God doesn’t talk that way. He says things like…

“I love you!”

“You are My beloved daughter in whom I’m WELL-PLEASED.”

“You’re doing a GREAT job!!!”

“I am with you all the way. I will NEVER leave you!”

“I have called you, equipped you, and anointed you for motherhood. You CAN do this!!!”

Focus on the good, focus on Jesus. Wherever our focus is, that is what is going to come out of us.

Invite Jesus into your everyday mothering. He has everything you need and more.

Cheers to healing, forgiving, and getting more of Jesus in everything.

Blessings, hugs, and love,

Kristi

Xoxo